Words Left Along

You ever feel like there’s something wrong with you? Yeah, me too. I’ve pretty much always felt like there was something wrong with me. I’m not sure when or what caused it really, but it’s been there. Watching over me. Sometimes it would take my hands. It would wrap its hands into mine, clasping the palms and widen its arms to pull me tight. We’d dance for days. Other times it wasn’t around, I’d run free without its lead. It hadn’t been around for a while one time. Whether we danced or stood alone, I never felt alone or accompanied. 

What about feeling like something’s wrong with the world? It was always easy for me to feel that way, especially when I already felt as if something was wrong with me l. Yet after a while, I started to see the small cracks. Being the wild child I was, I was punished for annoyance and told it was because it was so. Knowing you’re not liked, but never told will open your eyes quite quickly to the world behind words. 

I know we all think to ourselves what things might be like if we were in charge. Saying it aloud makes me feel like some young Japanese elementary school girl being asked what she would do. Looking down and smiling deep, “make everyone happy” she says. To make everyone happy… a child could see the weight humanity wears on its shoulders, but she herself does not yet feel it. I almost pity her. I suppose that means I really pity myself. What must happen to a culture that leaves its youths to feel as if even asking how to make things better is a fools errand?

Did you ever know that there was something wrong with you? Did you feel the pain of understanding? Like a falling piano aimed right at your head, the killing weight when suspicion turned belief, landing on your psyche. The twisting, turning mental wringing that youre put through? So often in life when the question of fault arises, we’re afforded so many ways out that exclude ourselves. “I cheated because he made me unhappy”, “I didn’t get the job because the interviewers were idiots” etcetera, etcetera.

Did you ever know that there’s something wrong with the world? I don’t blame you if you haven’t or don’t. Especially when considering the question itself is impossible. Wrong would imply that the world has a way it’s ought to operate. This is false and I still don’t know where or how this idea rooted itself into the ridges of my brain. Yet somehow this idea is in my head and it’s not alone. “Things happen for a reason”, “god rewards good people”, “hard work yields success” so on and so fourth. Perhaps it’s not the world that’s wrong, but it’s wrong to preach these things among each other as if they were natural, physical elements. 

Are you beginning to see? Or perhaps you’ve already seen it for yourself. So many people know the truth about the world around them, yet they never begin to know it. They never reach the level necessary to jump ship. They never jump. They walk their lives way on a road not of their own. They walk. They see the warped landscapes. They start seeing the road signs be spelt with unfamiliar letters. Yet they never stop and ask themselves why things look the way they do. In an unconscious denial, they see these shifting vistas as their evidence of righteous progress. Never mistake the sights of progress as a sole indicator of where one means or ought to go.