Words Left Along

I wanna pour out all the reasons, one-by-one, why I’ve given myself 6 more years. 

But you know what, it doesn’t matter.

I could construct every reason “why” down to the perfect explanation, yet it would never be enough. 

Truth is it’s never going to be enough to someone who loves you. 

It’s never enough to look at an empty seat with a letter that explains it all.

A letter can’t be a shoulder to lean on when times get tough. 

A letter won’t be there to hug you at your kid’s wedding. 

A letter won’t be there to take you away from the pain of loss. 

Truth is, there is no way to satisfyingly explain to someone that you’re done. 

So, please know, the reason why I won’t be there for you is because I couldn’t have made it to those things anyways. 

Take solace in knowing that someone else will fill that spot. 

It maybe an imperfect fit, but as I love to say, “there’s nothing more permanent than a good temporary fix”.

I hope someone or many people fill that role I played.

I hope the pain of me leaving eases quickly. 

I know I can’t see the future and something may change all this.

Yet as someone who fails to learn from their past, this road is doomed to carry on. 

I know I haven’t felt everything being a human has to offer.

But I’ve felt everything I needed too and I know I’m good. 

Honestly, i think it’s a bit of an honor to be the first one to go lights out.

I know it’s gonna hurt, but that pain will heal and broaden your appreciation for what remains.

It’s a pain so harsh that it makes even the smallest of good things in your life seem like it was a blessing from God himself. 

To those who knew me and to those who still don’t know that a clock ticks, do not miss me when I’m gone. 

I’ve just decided to check out what’s next on my own terms, and I’ve made peace with it.